He loves me not
by twiwulf
Summary: Luce's POV. Luce is torn between two boys, Daniel and Cam. She might even love them both - but she can only have one. Fallen with my own ending.


**So I decided to make my own version of Fallen, with a new ending. Please read and review! Critics welcome, I want to improve my writing afterall. **

I watched as a small rain droplet slid down the window pane. It reminded me of the very tears that I shed earlier when I had to say goodbye to my parents. I had never been away from them for long and the very thought of that brought me to tears. What would I do if I had a slight hysterical moment? Mum couldn't help me now. I was only given the opportunity to talk to her once a week and that wasn't near long enough. For a few miserable moments I actually thought I could get through this but I can't. Sword and Cross reform school just wasn't the school I pictured I'd be spending my last few teenage years in. And it most certainly wasn't ideal either. "You'll make new friends there, honey" my mother's words taunted at me. "And you'll be out of there before you know it", my dad reassured. But it didn't reassure me. My best friend forever was still attending my old school and I'd never get to see or talk to her anymore. It wasn't fair. Why were my parents doing this to me? Didn't they know that the accident wasn't my fault? Didn't they know that Trevor's death wasn't my fault? Or did they really believe I was capable of murdering someone? I didn't know what was worse. My parents mistrust of me or their ignorance to the whole incident. My parents mightn't have known what actually happened that night, hell I barely did, but they still believed I did it. Maybe I'm being contradictory, but doesn't innocent until proven guilty still apply in the courts? I wasn't proven anything, just insane. I don't know. Maybe I am insane. Maybe I'm some loony bin who should be cuffed up in one of them cells with restraints all around. Who nobody ever really thinks about or acknowledges, because they're 'crazy'. I felt like one of those ragdolls that children play with. They controlled my every sentence and only they knew what would become of me, become of my life. Because God only knows, I don't. I slid out of the car, quickly closing the door behind me. I stood face to face with my mum. I could see in her eyes that she was about to cry, but she was holding it in. She didn't want me to see her cry, I could tell. I was her only daughter, her only insane daughter. I brought my arms up and my mum moved in for a long, tight hug. I hugged her tightly, knowing it would be a few months before I got to see her again.

"It'll be okay, Luce," she said calmly, "everyone seems really nice, I'm sure you'll fit in really well."

I nodded stiffly. I didn't feel like talking. I turned towards my dad and he hugged me too, but it only lasted a few seconds before he let go of me and moved his arm to hold my mother's hand. He began to rub her hand with his thumb, comforting her.

"We'll miss you," my dad said in his father figure voice.

"When is it that she gets to call?" he asked my mum.

"On Wednesday." my mother replied, sounding like her voice might break if he made her talk anymore.

"You see! That's not too long away, it'll be that time before you know it." He said cheerfully.

"Yeah," I mumbled, a short pause followed. No one knew what to say. "Well, I better go." I muttered. I hated those awkward silent moments when no one knew what to say. My parents nodded simultaneously. I started to walk off towards the school doors. I turned my head around and looked back at them. They waved at me. I waved back. Then I walked into through the double doors of Sword and Cross which would now hold me hostage. I looked down at my watch. Shit. I was late. I rushed along the long hall corridor and saw a small gathering at the end of it. _This must be where I'm supposed to be, _I thought. When I reached the top I could feel everybody's eyes on me. I felt flustered and I could feel my cheeks burn bright pink. I looked at what appeared to be the leader of group. Who looked like a man but when she talked was sure to be a woman. I wasn't sure, but more to the point, I didn't really care. The attendant who was now barking orders didn't take any notice of me, either that or the he-she was totally oblivious to my late entrance. I slid in behind the group and my mind wandered to whether I had filled out the huge pile of paperwork correctly. Then, as I was watching the attendant shout out instructions for the newbies just like me, I began to study her features. It surprised me that I did what to get to the bottom of this mystery. Was she a he or was he a she? Usually I took no notice of other people, but this person was just ridiculous looking. With their shaven head and barrel sized chest, they resembled a very tough man. But the voice told other stories. Barrel sized. Wide. Spacious. Comfortable. My car. It all brought my car back to me. I was going to miss it incredibly. My mum and dad had promised that they would be getting rid of it, since I'd be no longer needing it. Oh yes, did I not tell her? This new school of mine doesn't permit cars. Or phones. Or anything else that mattered to someone. This school was torture and I hadn't even been in here for more than 5 minutes. I was suddenly back into reality. "Remember, it's beds, meds and reds!" the attendant shouted out. Crap, I was meant to be listening to this.  
"Uh, sorry?" I stammered. She looked towards me, actually acknowledging me for the first time since I got here. "Could you repeat that please?" I asked innocently.

"Look what the storm blew in!" she chided. I decided it must have just been a manly looking woman.

But she continued before I even got to take another breath.

"Meds. If you're one of the medicated students, this is where you go to keep yourself doped up, sane, breathing, whatever." She explained knowingly.

"Got it," I replied. I had been "doped" up, to use her analogy, years back but I hadn't taken any recently. I actually had to convince my doctor and parents to not medicate me again. They were awful and nasty tasting, I was glad I didn't have to go back to them.

I looked around at the three other people who were enrolling with me today. At least I wasn't by myself. Being a new kid wasn't easy, at least this way we could help each other out. I studied each person, wondering if I could befriend any of them. Not that any of them compared to Callie, but I could always hope. There was only one girl. She had long blonde hair like one of those perfect teenage girls you only ever see on TV. I bet she had the teeth and everything. She lifted her hand up to push away her gorgeous blonde bangs and I caught a glimpse of her face. She was the manicure type of girl too I noticed as she fixed out her hair. But I couldn't study her any longer, she was walking towards me, flashing me a brilliant big smile.

"I'm Gabbe," she introduced herself. I managed to pull my lips up into a slight smile. She wasn't the usual person I'd become friends with, but I couldn't afford to be picky. I didn't say anything so she continued. "What's your name?" she wondered.

"I'm Lucinda, but everyone just calls me Luce." I answered sweetly. It was weird, but Gabbe didn't look like the kind of person who belonged in a reform school. Gabbe's smile disappeared. She was staring at something- or someone over my shoulder. I turned my head to the right slightly and I saw a short brown haired boy, with hazel eyes and freckles all across his face. He looked as embarrassed as I felt about being here. I guess he didn't want to talk to anyone because he never stopped fiddling with a nail on his hand that was on the edge of falling off. But why did he matter to Gabbe? Maybe if Gabbe was into that sort of thing. I couldn't understand. I thought I had figured Gabbe out, but no. She was so hard to read. Wait. I caught a glimpse of someone else over my shoulder but they moved before I could get a closer look. I spun myself around, about 90 degrees to the right and saw a tall thin figure with a school bag draped over his back. He must have felt my stare because as soon as I looked at him, he turned around to look at me. We locked eyes and I couldn't take my eyes off him. I don't know if it was his alluring emerald green eyes or his rough shaggy black hair, but once my eyes were on his, I couldn't take them off. I wouldn't take them off, he'd have to be the first to take them off because I refused to. And boy was he hot. Like bad boy hot. I could feel my cheeks burn pink. This guy would never-could never like me. I was boring. I wasn't like Gabbe. Infact we were almost the opposite. I had short black hair, to my great distaste, my mother had cut it off after the fire. And brown eyes. I was plain and ordinary. Nothing he'd be even remotely into. I sighed. But we were still locking eyes. If he wasn't interested, shouldn't he have turned away by now? I felt a buzz of excitement in the pit of my stomach. Wait. I was being hugely selfish. After what happened Trevor, no boy should ever EVER come near me. I was too dangerous. But I didn't know how to stop that. This guy's face was impossible to read though, it was inscrutable. Not moving. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't not smiling either. The attendant cleared her throat, interrupting our trancelike stare. He turned to look at the attendant. I blushed and scratched my head, not knowing what to do with myself.

"Those of you who've learned the ropes are free to go after you dump your hazards." She gestured to a large cardboard box under a sign which read in big bold letters 'PROHIBITED MATERIALS'. She reached out a hand to the freckle faced boy and clamped a hand down on his shoulder, startling him. "And when I say free, Todd, I mean gymnasium bound to meet your pre-assigned student guides." She smirked. Then she pointed to me. "And you, dump all your hazards and stay with me." I didn't move though, I stayed rooted to my spot. I watched as the three students shuffled along absently and began to empty out their pockets. Gabbe pulled out a three inched, pink Swiss army knife. I was shocked and a little bit frightened. I really didn't know what kind of person Gabbe was but she never seized to surprise me. The hot guy reluctantly threw in a can of spray paint and a box cutter. The boy named Todd even dumped several boxes of matches and a small container of lighter fluid. I felt stupid not having any hazards of my own. I bet the others would laugh at me and call me an amateur but that'd only be because they didn't know what I was capable of and why I was really sent here. The dumping material didn't stop there. Each person drew out their mobile phone and I felt a lump rise in my throat. I tried to push it down with a big gulp. I had forgotten up to know that you weren't allowed phones and that they were strictly forbidden in this school. I had the sudden urge to jump up and get myself the hell out of here. To run through those double doors again and never ever come back. But that really wasn't an option. I clamped a hand down my pocket and held on to the only thing that would connect me to the outside world, the only thing that reminded me that there was something normal out there. The attendant saw my face and began to wave a hand in front of me, clicking her fingers as she did so.

"Don't swoon on me, kid, they don't pay me enough to resuscitate. Besides, you get one phone call once a week in the main lobby." I already knew that though. Still, did they really think that one phone call a week was enough? That it would satisfy a teenage girl? Maybe that was the point. We weren't satisfactory, so we didn't get satisfactory. I reluctantly pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked down at it one last time. But when I unlocked it I noticed that I had two new text messages. I sighed. It was going to be hard to give up this. The first message was from Callie. I read over it quickly. It was typical of Callie to go on pages long. She wanted to me call her as soon as possible, although Callie would expect me to phone as soon as I read her message, which now was no longer an option. I sucked in a long breath when she went on to tell me about how everyone at the school had already forgotten about the whole incident with Trevor. As if. I went on to reads the second message from my mum. _Kiddo, we are always thinking of you. Be good and try to eat enough protein. We'll talk when we can. Love, M&D. _I never got my mum. I knew she had only be texting a few weeks but did she really need to sign every message with 'Love mum'? I already knew who had texted me. It seemed a funny thing to be annoyed over considering the circumstances. As I sat in a reverie, the others had already dumped all their valuables into the box. I was the last one. "We're still waiting on one more," the attendant sang out, "I wonder who." I could feel everybody's eyes on me. I lifted my hand up over the box and slowly let go of my small grasp on the device. It landed with a tiny _thunk _on top of the huge pile of things now overflowing the cardboard box. It was a sad thing letting go of my phone. I barely went a day without using it. This would definitely require some getting use to. Gabbe and Todd made their way towards the door, without a glance in my direction. But the boy with the green eyes turned to the attendant.

"I can fill her in," he said, nodding towards me. "Not part of our deal," the attendant replied automatically, as if she'd been expecting this dialogue. "You're a new student again, that means new-student restrictions. Back to square one. You don't like it, you should have thought twice before breaking parole."

He stood expressionless, without moving as I was tugged away with the attendant to wherever she was taking me. Parole? What did he do parole for? "Moving on," I heard her say. "Beds." She pointed out a window to a distant cinder-block building. Todd and Gabbe were moving slowly towards us, neither of them looked too ecstatic. The dorm was formidable and square, it was a solid grey block of a building whose thick double doors gave away nothing about the possibility of life inside them. I saw a large stone plaque which stood planted in the middle of the dead lawn. It was such an ugly scene, I couldn't imagine myself here for any longer than this short tour. The windows were obstructed by rows of thick metal bars and I could see in the distance, wait, was that barb wire on top of the fence that surrounded the building? I was in a real prison. The he-she looked down at her chart and flipped through a couple of pages before reading off a number.

"Room sixty three," she said directly to me. "Throw your bag in my office with the rest of them for now. You can unpack this afternoon." I nodded and dragged my bag towards three other black trunks. I reached into my pocket, forgetting that I had deposited my phone into the hazard box. I usually wrote things down I needed to remember in my phone, but that seemed impossible now. It had to be committed to memory instead. So that would explain the beds and meds but what was the reds?

"What about the reds?" I wondered loudly.

"Reds," the attendant said, pointing toward a small wired device hanging from the ceiling. It's lens flashed a brilliant red light. I hadn't noticed before, but they were everywhere. I looked around the room at the flashing red lights which were set up at each corner. I was going to be watched every single minute of every single day. Way to make someone feel paranoid.

"Cameras?" I asked.

"Very good," she said, her voice dripping with condescension. "We make them obvious in order to remind you. All the time, everywhere, we're watching you. So you don't screw up, that is, if you can help yourself." It really made me feel like I was a psychopath. People who were insane needed to be watched, to be controlled. I was already their puppet. I did what I was told. At least I did most of the time. The attendant placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "Look, if it makes you feel any better, you're far from the worst case here." Was that a smile I just saw? "Okay, orientation's over," the attendant said. "You're on your own now. Here's a map if you need to find anything else." She handed me a photocopy of a crude hand-drawn map, then glanced at her watch. "You've got an hour before your first class, but my soaps come on in five, so, "she waved her hand at me. "make yourself scarce. And don't forget," she said, pointing up at the cameras one last time. "The reds are watching you." It felt like some stupid joke. 'The reds are watching you' like what is that? I would have found it slightly comical under different circumstances, but there was nothing funny about this. A skinny dark haired girl stood out in front of me waving her fingers in the air as if she was a ghost. "Oooooooh," she taunted in a ghost-story telling voice. "the reds are watching youuuuu!"

"Get out of here, Arriane, before I have you lobotomized," the attendant said although it was clear she liked the girl in her brief but genuine smile. The girl simply mimed a jerking off motion at the attendant and turned to me again. "And just for that," the attendant said, jotting a furious note in her book, "you've earned yourself the task of showing Little Miss Sunshine around today." I would have laughed at the term 'miss sunshine' because I was anything but in my black jeans, black polo shirt and black shoes but I didn't have it in me. A laugh would require a smile and a smile would mean I was happy, which I wasn't. Anyway, if it were up to me I would have worn a pair of denim skinny jeans, a vest top and some simple zip up hoodie. But it wasn't up to me. We all had to follow their dress code. They claimed they weren't strict but wasn't restrictions to just one colour harsh? I thought so. The girl, Arianne, looked me up and down before saying "perfect, I was just thinking I needed a new slave." She stepped forward and put her arm in a loop for me to join her in. But before I even got a chance to, the door to the lobby swung open and the good-looking green eyed boy walked in. He shook his head, looking directly to me and said, "This place isn't afraid to do a strip search. So if you're packing any other hazards," he raised an eyebrow and dumped a handful of unrecognizeables in the box, "save yourself the trouble." I heard Arianne from behind me begin to laugh. His head shot up and when he looked to see who had laughed and saw Arianne he opened his mouth and then closed it again as if he was unsure of what to say. "Arriane," he said evenly. "Cam," she returned. "You know him?" I whispered. I had to admit that I was mildly fascinated in him. "Don't remind me." She answered. I was going to ask her more about him later but for now she was towing me away from him, through the lobby doors and out into the sun. I figured she was bringing me for a tour of the place. A tour of my new school- and as it turns out, my new home.

**Review please? It's my first ever fanfiction and I'd like some people's opinions on whether I should continue or not. **


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